Once was My Knight

10:37 AM

While pondering over something, someone suddenly came across my mind. 
Mr.HR - We were very closed. He had always made himself availabe for me.
Until.. the day he found his other half, and things changed.

I don't blame him though. He did the right thing.

So, what I wanna say is..

I didn't realize how significant his presence was in my life till last night, the day I reread all our text messages again. He was there for me all the way, through my ups & downs in those difficult 3-4 years. No, I wasn't senseless, I knew what he wanted, yet I ignored. Maybe because the spark wasn't there. Whatever the case is now, I want him to know how blessed & grateful I was & am to have him, once as my bestest friend. The one that I had always turn to in any case at any time back then.

Thank you dude!

Your soon to be wife surely is one lucky lady!
.
This coming December, his relationship status gonna change from single to married.

Happy he finally found his love of his life, sad knowing the fact that I no longer have the luxury of having someone with so much availabilty for me.

"You don't know what you've got till its gone"

Truth.

Welcome to adulthood Nadia! 

Twenty Fifth

10:42 PM

Assalamualaikum.

Turned 25 last Saturday. Can’t believe I am now 25. Quarter life already guys! (Alhamdulillah)

Grateful. 

I feel blessed with everything I’ve been through all these years.
Thankful for what a person I have become.
Not bad at all! (haha although I always  felt useless!! hahahaha silly me)
The bad, the good, all has it’s own significance in shaping me to who I am today.

You know, sometimes, just when you thought you’re suck, stucked somewhere in your life, felt like you’re old enough and still own nothing..and then suddenly you came to a realization that you’re not doing that bad. Yes guys, I do feel my life suck, but at the same time, I know, I know I own everything I need for the mean time. He has everything beautifully planned for me, definitely. 
Rest assured.

I know I should really calm down and take life just as it comes. What gonna happen will eventually happen, it’s just the matter of sooner or later. So, chill guys, chill dear self.

There were some times growing through your age that you’ll face some uninvited crisis (quarter life crisis in my case). You may cry a lot, contemplating & regretting your choices, but trust me guys, whatever you’re worried about will likely work itself out one day.

I heard this somewhere back then; that it’s kind of your mind, your body telling you that you’re starting a new phase in your life and this is the time to start cementing everything in your life that you like. Grab all the things that you believe can bring you happiness you’re searching for. Choose wisely though haha.

Expanding, finding the things that make you happy and just maturing in general, realizing that you’re growing up.
It can be emotional sometimes. Feel it, move on & move up!

To you my readers, and me; I wish you good health & happiness. To grow into a man & woman that you always wanted to be. And may all your wishes come true, one fine day if not now.

Age Gracefully. Let’s.

Happy Blissful 25th Birthday Nadia!

p/s : I think I’ve found that special someone (Mr.ZY) – hopefully he really is my other half He created for me . insyaAllah, biiznillah.


Thank you for all the warm wishes! Much appreciated! LOVE, xoxo.

The September 4 2017 (part 3)

6:20 PM

It’s raining heavily outside and I have nothing to do inside, thus this entry.

The previous post (part 2) was mostly the fact on what had happened that day; a story from my side.
While this post gonna be a bit personal; it is when the feeling getting involved.

Seriously though, at first it was nothing.

The cares I provide was completely out of guilt I had that was so big that day that made me feel I was the one responsible for the occurence. The accident happened and I blamed myself for taking the wrong route.

I was beside him all the way, accompanying and providing his needs until his friends came and took over, which then I excused myself after they told me he is okay, going to do x-ray now & I can go home if I wanted to, and so I did (off to make police report).

We did exchanged phone number at hospital and later that evening I call him to know his condition. He was in the middle of something and said he will call me back later and yes he did. And we continue updating one another since then.

Nobody would understand how traumatic and stressful the day was. Mum & dad were away (for Hajj) and suddenly I’d gotten myself into an unexpected incident that cost quite a lot. The whole day, I felt so miserable and loss that I couldn’t even fall asleep. The headache that suddenly coming and the eyes that won’t shut. That night was a difficult one.

People around me who knew about the accident kept saying it was the “jodoh” kinda thing, that it might be my jodoh, my fate to meet him by accident. You know, blessing in disguise kinda thingy. I laughed, I said not to it in all sort of ways, denying as possible as I could, when in fact I strongly believe so too!

At times, I can feel it was different than other relationship that I had with some other men – I mean, from some friends that I friendzoned. I can tell I want more with him. You know, the feeling was different. Yes I did tell him I don’t want anything more with him, that I’m not ready for any couple-ish relationship with any men etc but I kid you not, those were all true BUT HE WAS EXCEPTIONAL.

I want yet I keep it low, acting as if I don’t care when in fact I MISS HIM! Yes guys, to that extent.
He used to call me for 2 days and we chatted for hours, but then he chose not to do so again (out of fear he will fall in love with me and heartbroken because I once told him I don’t wanna  involve in any romantic relationship yet). Nothing surprise, I was totally sad. We kept messaging each other though, which also came to a stop last week. I hold myself from sending him any text message, unless he did. Whatsapp status is our only connector now. I don’t know if he does the same, but I sometimes online only to see if he is onlining too! Yes I know!! Pitiful right! Haha

As of today, as of now, I feel nothing. The feeling isn’t as burning as last few weeks. I am no longer sure if he is the one. But I do miss him, I still adore him the same.

I don’t know when and how, but I had somehow fall for him, sure enough to say so. It was the feeling I once had with someone I loved dearly.

Or he might be just another passer by in my life.

The September 4 2017 (part 2)

11:30 AM

Only now, a month after that particular incident I am able to sit down and retell the story, in a fully relaxed condition.
(writing this while enjoying evening breeze – angin sepoi-sepoi bahasa at home..so calming)

Ok let’s begin.
Few days before Raya Haji on 28th August (if I am not mistaken or was it 26th?), my sister and I went to Kuala Lumpur to settle some affairs there. She with her SPM certificate at her secondary school and me with the MMC registration thing. We stayed there about a week before we came back home on September 2nd (yeah we ended up raya at my brother’s in Klang because tickets (the cheap one) were sold out, you know, last minute ticket and raya season which collide with merdeka holiday so yeah, there we were, 4 people eating Nasi Ayam cooked by Along for raya)
We arrived home on September 3rd, me with one red eye (the mascara thing dushhh).
My right eye had been somewhat painful and sensitive to light for few days. I couldn’t stand  the pain any longer so off I went to the clinic earlier on September 4th. Settling what needed to be settle first before starting off the day as planned.
The plan.
Main : Pick up my younger brother and sisters at Tok Bah’s.  (usually Tok Bah will send them home, not me picking them up at tok Bah’s..but that day, they asked me to fetch them, so be the kind sister that I always am, I agreed)
But before going to Tok Bah’s house, my sister (Ila) wanted to do some groceries shopping for her upcoming college days, yeah, new semester. I thought she was going to buy loads of things so I drove her all the way passing Tok Bah’s house to GIANT but turned out she only bought few stuff there (yes, if I knew earlier, I wouldn’t have gone to GIANT..well we have ECONJAYA & PANTAI TIMUR in our town Pasir Puteh which are big enough for those two three things..no need to go that far for that shampoo, shower cream and toothpaste really huh) and altogether we could have avoided the incident right (or no – kun fayakun) ?
Exited the GIANT, we stopped at Shell to fill up the fuels for the week. I remember we were like, you know kinda buying times here. Slow and blurr. And off we were to Tok Bah’s. Then bammmmmm it happened! At the junction, right at the U-turn when I was trying to cross the road, we collided. Mum’s car and his motorbike.



To be honest, I knew I was at fault for crossing where I shouldn’t have, hence the guilt. But because that was where mum & dad crossed everytime they drove to Tok Bah’s , I did the same. The influence there you see, a beginner wouldn’t think much, they just follow like a toddler did.
At first, I didn’t realized we crashed until the car was somewhat spinning. The moment it spun around, I was like “Ila, Ila what happened???” then Ila said “kakak you hit someone with motorbike, orang tu melambung (thrown/bounced up into the air)” . We were panic!! (or was it just me? PANIC).
In my mind the moment we collided : Oh God, my work (pleaseeeeee no criminal record) & MUM’s car!! My goddddd. Now how?????? (Thank God we’re not injured),
 I instantly ran off to Tok Bah’s house, called him, told him I involved in an accident nearby and then ran off again to the scene area.  Ila on the other hand a little bit calmer, attended to that rider until I came back to the scene site and stayed.
Once I arrived beside him (the rider), all I could think was, pleaseeee lets hurry to the hospital (fingers bleeding, left upper limb couldn’t move). Ila and I followed him all along to the hospital (Hospital Jerteh). I accompanied him all the way, stayed by his side till his friends came (all out of responsibility and guilty feeling that thicken within me at that time).
When his friends arrived and he went for x-ray procedure, I excused myself, going to do what I need and was told to do, the police report.
At some point, I am beyond grateful for all those people involved.
From he himself, the rider, I am impressed honestly. I am impressed by his calm & collected character shown that day. I am thankful. Thank you Mr. ZY. Thank you.
The polices. They helped me like I was their daughter. Thank you.
Tok Bah. I felt protected.

Thank you wouldn’t be enough to thank these people. They will forever be in my prayer insyaallah.